i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
