we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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