I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
