i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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