my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
