I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
