if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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