Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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