I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
