It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
We are two peas in an std pod
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You made out with two different species that night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
