i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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