What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
