i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
My butt remains clenched, sir.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize