I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
