I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
