before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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