My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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