mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
