They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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