too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
