I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
