we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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