I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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