So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
