dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
