I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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