Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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