Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
