You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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