Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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