i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
