I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
