The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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