I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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