just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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