You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
