this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Im part way to drunk.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
