I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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