I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
