oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
