I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
