she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
