Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
