did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
