I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the day after is always just damage control
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Houston, we have a blender
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
