You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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