what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
