Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
