I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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