.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
