pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
