I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
