sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
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