Kiss
Puke
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
