There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize