Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize