That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
