i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what day is it and did you see me today?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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