one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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