Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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