she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
