my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
