he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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