I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Randomize
