I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
