I will die if light touches me.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
