Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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