You just made me feel so damn special
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
