we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
