The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
