Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
