Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
