In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
