This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
