I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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