It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
