sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
