guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize