Moan for me like Helen Keller
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
