You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
