She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
